Everyone has EGO. Some are covert whereas others are overt.

Do you know that in NegoTiation, ego is in between (N) and (T)?

Any negotiations, be it with your customers, staff, friends or family could be derailed if EGO sets in early.

Therefore, it is important to hold on to both (N) and (T); so that EGO does not break loose.

(N) Stands for “Nerves” and (T) is for “Trust”.

Negotiation becomes (EGO)tiation if (N) disappears at the beginning. That is when one fails to hold on to the Nerves. Thus, negotiate for a mutually beneficial outcome would be even harder and result would be profit lost, disputes escalates and relationships broken.

How do you hold on to your nerves without letting it falls apart exposing the EGO (Yours and theirs)?

It depends on how prepared you are to deal with EGO (yours and theirs). Although there are many different methods, I wish to outline three simple steps for effective handling.

a. First, do not let YOUR EGO to sets in, because your EGO could make you off balanced, unsteady and reactive. Focus on shared interests and not on your face value.

b. Remember everyone has it. Hence do not get hurt or put yourself down when you recognized the signs of EGO of the other. Awareness itself will make your mind ready to manage it confidently.

c. Understand and acknowledge his/her EGO but do not agree or capitulate to its pressure. This will neutralize need to assert their EGO upon you.

It was my first meeting with MD of a large trading house to negotiate for a logistics contract. The Gentleman with whom I was supposed to negotiate was known as “Bulldozer” in the trade. Well; name goes before him. First thing I did was let him know that I was aware of his reputation as Bulldozer in the industry (acknowledge his EGO). That early acknowledgement soften him and helped us to focus on core issues during the negotiation without dwelling on need to exert dominance over the other. Acknowledgement of EGO of the other does NOT make your position diminished or reduce you to playing second fiddle. In fact you could select non-threatening (to the other) areas of your expertise to enhance your status in subtle manner.

The second element that could keep EGO under control is (T)rust.

At the beginning of a negotiation, based on various factors; level of trust could vary between complete mistrust to full-trust. Whatever the level that prevails, there will be room for improvement of the trust factor, which will conducive to arrive at mutual agreement.

Although there are many different methods to establish (T)rust during a negotiation, I wish to outline two simple steps to begin with.

(i). Deep listening. Often other party will start trusting you if you give them deep listening, understand their challenges and acknowledge their side of the story. You do not have to agree upon, but simple listening will take relationship to deeper level. (For more info on deep listening click above link).

(ii). Sharing information. It will go long way if you share simple information voluntarily. This will help to establish initial “Working Trust” that could be later developed to establish stronger Trust. Sharing info will not weaken your position. You should be careful not to share “Power information” that will give advantage to the other. However, sharing less known but useful info could earn trust of the other. There is no short-cut to establish trust. It takes time to build upon.

Negotiation is NOT about saving your face or theirs. It is about working on shared interests, creating and distributing value (for negotiating partners) and reaching agreement while preserving or enhancing relationships.

Remember, negotiators are human first!